You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
