I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
