Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
