even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She needs sedatives and a leash
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
