3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
