I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
