Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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