party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
