I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This baby is an asshole
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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