I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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