So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
