I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
