So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
