Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Green mimosas i think yes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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