so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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