matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
