if only i could text you this smell
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
