I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
