i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a search helicopter?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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