Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
