you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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