when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
