oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
