I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
