I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
