I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
