i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
