Soap is not a condiment
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
