that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
