my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
