youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
