It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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