Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
