i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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