I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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