My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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