I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
