I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
