i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
