i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
