She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
