Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
