I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
