Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
