Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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