He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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