maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
