1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
