The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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