:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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