Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
