I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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